I'm laying awake tonight laughing and crying, replaying a lifetime of memories in my head. My little dog Cinnamon died last night (12/27) just before midnight at an age I can't even recall, as we stopped counting a while ago. He was mischievous from the start. They said it was the bichon in him. I remember learning quickly to always close my bedroom door or I'd come in to find the room in complete disarray. That might have been where he won the name shithead, but I can't be completely sure. That name ended up carrying on through the rest of his life. :)

He was a lucky dog. He traveled several times a year to Colorado, relaxing at the cabin and going on hikes through the mountains. Sometimes when his little legs got tired dad would prop him up on his shoulders like a lamb or hold him with one arm like a parrot. We were always nervous he'd turn into bear food one of those trips, but luckily that was not the case. An animal he did experience during one trip to Colorado though was the cow. He managed to get out of the car when we were stopped once and started chasing the cows around the pasture. With the grass so long and Cin-dog so little, when dad chased after him it looked like dad was the one chasing cows. We all had a good laugh from the car and of course didn't help dad out, as it was too funny to watch!

I keep thinking to myself that it seems so silly to sit here and cry and reminisce about a dog. I mean, I know he was just a dog, but after 15+ years of my life, he became a friend and a companion. You know you find yourself talking to your dog when it's just the two of you, don't lie. They're nice to talk to and good company. :) I think the reason why death is so difficult (in any form), something that a good friend reminded me of today, is that we were not originally made to experience death. Before sin entered the world, there was no death or pain. There's hope though, because through the death of Jesus we've been given eternal life on a "new earth" where "He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away." (Revelation 21:4) I know the only way to be freed from this everlasting pain and death is through following Jesus and I rest assured in that promise.

I had a great time this past weekend! Mom and dad came to St. Louis to visit. They had never been here before, so I wanted to make sure they saw as much as possible! I think we fit most of it in...

Saturday morning they arrived and we checked into the Omni Hotel. I have a few friends from church who work there and they took really good care of us! After checking in we headed off for lunch downtown at Caleco's and then to the Cardinals game. The game was a lot of fun (even though we lost)! It was great to see one of the last games of the season before the Cards headed into the playoffs. We walked from the stadium through Taste of St. Louis (getting some free Schlafly's on our way through) and on to Union Station. We then headed to my house for my parents to meet everyone I live with and to see my place. Then we headed off to dinner.

Sunday morning we got up early for a great breakfast at the hotel and headed off to church. It was really important to have my parents with me at Jubilee and to see what I'm so involved in here. So many people approached us to meet my parents, it was great! I am surrounded by people who love me. The rest of the day my parents really blessed me! We spent the whole day fixing things around the house (well mostly my dad fixed things, my mom and I were around for moral support!) I love that my parents model such a servant's heart that I can follow. After working so hard all day, I took them to Schlafly's Bottleworks for some good St. Louis food and beer.

Monday was our last day together. We headed off to the arch (of course!) and took the "Journey to the Top." I haven't been up in the arch for almost 10 years so it was really fun to do that again and see the city from such a great view! From there we went to the Anheuser-Busch Brewery to take the tour. What a beautiful place! I had no idea it was that large, and it was great to see the Clydesdale horses. After the tour, we headed to Gooey Louie's to pick up some St. Louis Gooey Butter Cake for mom and dad to take home and share with people there. Then we spent the rest of our time before their flight eating dinner and shopping (mom and I HAD to shop while we were together!)

I was so thankful that my parents made the trip out here! I can't wait for them to come again so we can experience even more of St. Louis together.

Lately I've been doing a LOT of driving for various vacations. Therefore, I've had a lot of time alone in the car to think, pray, and listen to music. On one of these travels I was listening to a particular song that stood out to me. Ok, don't judge me, but I was listening to the Camp Rock Soundtrack and the song "This is Me" really hit me. Here are the lyrics...

I've always been the kind of girl
That hid my face
So afraid to tell the world
What I've got to say
But I have this dream
Right inside of me
I'm gonna let it show, it's time
To let you know
To let you know

This is real, this is me
I'm exactly where I'm supposed to be, now
Gonna let the light, shine on me
Now I've found, who I am
There's no way to hold it in
No more hiding who I want to be
This is me

Do you know what it's like
To feel so in the dark
To dream about a life
Where you're the shining star
Even though it seems
Like it's too far away
I have to believe in myself
It's the only way

You're the voice I hear inside my head
The reason that I'm singing
I need to find you, I gotta find you
You're the missing piece I need
The song inside of me
I need to find you, I gotta find you

I am so excited for this season of my life and am confident in who God has made me to be. I feel like I'm finally happy with the "now" and am not waiting for what comes next to be content. I'm happy to live in St. Louis, work for Newfrontiers, and be following an amazing God. I've found a great church family at Jubilee, am blessed with amazing friends, and am just overall enjoying life. It's so great to see that when I follow what God has for my life, I am filled with joy! I know I can only have this kind of confidence through Christ, because I am capable of nothing on my own. I'm so thankful that God has brought me here and I'm excited to see where else life takes me.

"Though you have not seen him, you love him; and even though you do not see him now, you believe in him and are filled with an inexpressible and glorious joy, for you are receiving the goal of your faith, the salvation of your souls." 1 Peter 1:8-9

This has been a very eventful week with lots of new and exciting changes happening. On Monday, I started a new job that I will be working in addition to my FYT internship. I am now working in an after school program with the Herbert Hoover Boys and Girls Club Monday-Friday. I work with mostly Kindergarten through 3rd graders helping them with their homework and then being a supervisor during their organized activities with the Boys and Girls club, like gym and arts and crafts. It's a great program to keep kids safe and out of trouble after school and also convey to them the importance of education. I have had a lot of fun meeting new people outside of the church, since that is usually where I spend a lot of time and the kids are pretty entertaining.

Here's a funny story from my experiences this week. I noticed that one of my students was being consoled by the teacher I was working with and wondered what was wrong. A few minutes later, that same student was sitting in line with the rest of the kids and just would not stop crying. I sat down next to him and asked him what was wrong. He was so overcome by tears he couldn't respond to me and his friends told me that he was crying because his "aunt" died. His little friends couldn't understand why he was so sad so I tried to explain to them that this was very serious and that he had lost a member of his family. The boys looked at me and said, I don't see why it's such a big deal...can't he just get another one? I was so confused by this point. Then the boys told me that it wasn't his auntie who had died, but his ant. The little boy had a pet ant and I guess he just found out that it had died. It was so hard to not laugh!

Another exciting thing that happened this week was that I interviewed with Newfrontiers USA and was offered a position as the new conference coordinator and personal assistant to John Lanferman, our USA apostalic leader. Shannon, who is currently in this position, is having a baby this year, so I get to take over for her starting this summer. This is such a blessing to be offered this job and I am thrilled to get to stay in St. Louis and work with the amazing office staff I already see every day. God is so good to provide!

Hey friends! The St. Louis FYT made another video! We've been doing some pretty extensive theological training this year, and it has overwhelmed us to the point of singing the blues. Hope you enjoy!

For the past few months, the Year Team in Saint Louis got to work on making a video about the city. It was a great time for us to see the city ourselves since moving here and find out what makes this place so great. I know that just driving around the city taking footage grew my heart for this place and made me want to see even more people here come to know the Lord. Along with seeing the great attractions of Saint Louis, we also experienced seeing the impoverished side of the city with traveling through East Saint Louis and going downtown and through different lower income neighborhoods. There is a great need in this city in a practical and a spiritual way.

The Year Team here is going to be doing more city outreach on a weekly basis to help this great city. We've been working at a local elementary school helping with whatever they need. It may seem small, but any act you can do in your local community helps so much.

You can check out our video on YouTube. Even if you're not in Saint Louis, maybe it will grow your love for the city you're in now and inspire you to help in some way.

Well I'm back in St. Louis and it's been a busy, but amazing last week. Anna and I arrived last Saturday and picked up our newest member of our Year Team, Kate, from the airport where she flew in from England. We've had so much fun getting to know her and she fits in perfectly with our already formed team. Poor Elijah now has 3 girls he gets to work with every day. Hopefully we don't drive him too crazy!

Soon after arriving in St. Louis, we started a week of training with all the year teamers from the states. We had 15 of us in all from Oregon, Georgia, and Missouri who would meet every day to worship, pray, listen to speakers, and bond with one another. The United States year team this year consists of 11 girls and 4 guys so we got to have all 11 of us girls staying at Anna and I's house. I thought with that many girls in one place it would be crazy and hectic, but it worked really well! We didn't have any drama and everyone got a hot shower when they wanted one so I'd say that's pretty successful!

God taught me a lot through this past week of training and then into the weekend with our Mobilise conference. I have been stressing a lot about what I want to do with my next year of my life and God answered a lot of my questions. I know now that I will be staying in St. Louis for this next year and have a desire to work with the college group here to see them grow in their lives with God. God also this past week instilled a zeal for Him that I've never experienced before. I just have so much excitment for reading the Bible and drawing closer to God than I've ever had. This is a huge blessing, because I've struggled with the desire to read my Bible most of my life. God is so faithful to change our hearts when we're willing.

One last thing that I really took from this weekend was a heart for people who don't know God. God started to put specific people on my heart to pray for. Two things really stuck out to me in this conversation I had with God.

1. Just share what God has done in your own life. Sharing your faith can be scary, but it doesn't have to be hard. Just be faithful to be honest with the people around you and God will shine out of you and your story.
2. Plead for their lives in prayer. I was reminded of Abraham pleading for God to spare Sodom because his nephew Lot lived there (Genesis 18:16-19:29). After Abraham spoke with God, God "brought Lot out of the catastrophe that overthrew the cities where Lot had lived" (Gen. 19:29). Prayer is so important. Plead for your friends in prayer.

This year has started out so good! I'm so excited to see what God does with the rest of 2009!

Christmas Break has been a great time with family and friends and a great time to relax. I got about 3 weeks off from my internship in St. Louis, so I had a lot of time to see everyone.

Christmas was pretty low key this year. My family traveled a couple hours to Grand Island, Nebraska to have Christmas celebrations with my mom's side of the family, but we did not make the trip to Texas this year like usual to see my dad's side. We'll be traveling there at the end of January to see cousin Brooke get married, so we decided to not go for Christmas. Along with the light traveling, gifts seemed simpler this year too. I loved how our time together was focused on just that, spending time together, instead of worrying about buying extravagant gifts. I guess good things can come from a bad economy when it forces you to slow down and simplify life.

The week of New Years I decided to spend with friends in Kansas City. It was great to see college friends from Northwest as well as friends from Newfrontiers. It was fun to catch up with everyone and see what they had been up to these past few months since we had all seen each other. New Years Eve consisted of good food and a lot of Wii. We all had a great time!

Other than being with friends and family, I've just been doing a lot of reading and relaxing. I read through Twilight again and have also been reading through the Psalms. The Psalms have been so good! Very uplifting and easy to read through. They were just what I needed.

Thursday I start my 3 day journey back to St. Louis, stopping in Ft. Scott, KS and Kansas City on the way to visit friends. My time at home has been great, but it will be nice to get a regular schedule back when I return to St. Louis.